maybe it's me, or maybe it's pms?
i can't say for sure.
anyways..
feeling a lil bit down.
i always become more hyper when i'm sad inside, noticed that this has been going on quite alot lately. am i becoming crazy?
i feel like crying, feel so helpless.
don't ask me why cos i don't know.
i dont know how to place myself infront of friends lately.
awkward much?
i dontknow how to act.
things have changed..
but what?
im so tired of trying to figure.
im tired, really am..
so tired of drama.
gimme a break please.
i miss him, so much sometimes it hurts.
i still call him sometimes, just to keep myself posted.
yeah, you'll say it's dumb.
but we're bestfriends, we both wanna keep it that way.
selfish? maybe.
been crying quite abit lately.
mood swings maybe.
just feels like i wanna empty out all my emotions so that i don't get to the point where i finally can't take it and burst, cos it'll be so hard to control then.
was just chatting with the BFF awhile ago, after seeing her so down, it made my mood worser.
perhaps i love her too much?
she's been the world ever since he was gone.
sometimes people find replacements for the things they love too much.
she's the replacement, but its permanent.
i told her yesterday that having a bf will never change her position anymore and i hope she knows that.
she'll be no.1, well apart from my family ofcourse, she's kinda part of the family too.
he'll be the no.2 ! =)
sorry future boyfriend!
this is how we roll ~~~~
feels like i've kept too much secrets inside for too long,
but i have no one to tell to.
sometimes people just wanna keep it to themselves, though they wanna spill, they never will.
sometimes the harder i laugh, the harder it makes me wanna cry.
idk why !
feeling like my heart is crumpled up cos it kinda hurts now.
i don't know what i want.
i wanna get good results, go home and make my mom proud.
but im so not motivated.
ofcourse i study, but not as hard as i want myself to be..
i miss home sometimes, but i dont feel like going home.
i wanna go somewhere.. alone is fine.
doesnt make much difference anyways.
anyways, been onto someone lately.
don't know if im seriously into it or not,
but what i can say for sure is that i'm not fooling around.
maybe i want it to happen
maybe i dont
maybe i want us to be this way
maybe i want us to take a step further
maybe im just confused with what i want
been thinking
what if i took this risk and there's no turning back?
my heart is so weak it keeps telling me that i should stop here
but somehow i cant stop either
i wanna fall
but i wanna know that he'll be willing to catch me if i fall
but what if he does?
what will i do then? will it work?
i really dontknow
this feeling is vague.
maybe i just hadn't got the time to sort it out with my heart yet.
cos i dontknow if im really into him
sometimes i get really stupid
by just smiling at his texts, reading it repeatedly
smiles when we're chatting
my friend says im crazy for him
but i know im not.
not crazy, but not uncrazy either.
urghh.
but on the contrary,
he's doing quite a good job?
sweet, but not too sweet.
cares, but not too over.
like what we said we were like.
but most of the times you can just say he's hot n cold.
sometimes i just want more of him, but sometimes i prefer us staying this way
sometimes i feel like asking him what i mean to him
but i dont really wanna know, im not afraid
but, maybe.. idk.
what i can see is, we both kinda like what we have now.
so since we're enjoying now, why break the chain?
to wkj :
i miss you alot.
to him :
maybe you prefer staying this way too?
to her :
you're strong baby.
NOTE TO SELF :
study smart, get through this and you're a free bird.
=D
xoxo,
JennyB
