雨天

站在十字路的交点
该怎么走 我却只剩回头

除了你给的伞
我再也没有 别的借口
去拥有你的什么

你能体谅 我有雨天
偶尔胆怯 你都了解
过去那些大雨落下的瞬间
我突然发现

谁能体谅 我的雨天
所以情愿回你身边
此刻脚步 会慢一些
如此坚决 你却越来越远

牵手和分手来自同一双手
做回朋友 我却为何不懂挽留

是否太晚 路已走远
我的眼眶泪太满
走不回你身边

updateeee.

pms coming again - how great !
which, in other words, means i've been having quite alot of moodswings lately.

so what's new is, i opened facebook page yesterday. on the news feed, i saw HIS post, intro-ing about his car and stuff, oh btw, he's trying to sell off his vitara, please contact him if you're interested or blabla. so, i was saying.. the post. the sister 'liked' the link, the gf commented, and the sis commented too. 'wow, great mennn !' notice the spelling ? MEN ? ohokay. ==
im being a meanie, so what ? i went to his page and saw that he changed his status to being in a relationship with her, and i called him yesterday morning. said he was going kk today, ofcourse he didnt mention with who, but use your butt think also know la can ? i was sooooo... sad ? kinda ? or something like that . hmm , i hate what i was feeling and my eyes started to get teary, thought i was over it. then i came to realize that i was never really, i just kinda chose not to think about it and stuff. Or maybe i'm just jealous. BLABLABLA i dontknow la, whatever.

its shitty, and i almost tried to log in and change his status, but then i took a DEEP breath, and repeatedly told myself, ' i will not do this, i will not do this. ' and i didnt. :) proud of myself. maybe the old me would, but the new me is able to think rationally. i dont wanna be the crazy ex gf, that whenever he thinks about me, he'd be like 'phew, luckily we broke up... ' or stuff like that. he's trying to keep a distance, i can tell. i guess its better too, for the both of us, and his sister likes the new gf too. so.. sad la. but i'm okay. at least better.

he'll be picking me from the airport the day i arrive, well, supposedly. but now im having second thoughts. its so good that im not seeing him anymore, the day i called him ? the minute i heard his voice, i realized, i miss him, so so much . so maybe i shouldnt see him anymore, even in dec when i go back. maybe we should avoid seeing each other, calling, texting, be in contact and stuff . i don't wanna cry over this crap, miss him over nothing, i dont want my MAGICALLY LONG holiday to turn into a disaster, thanks. cos i know myself too well, if i see him, i might miss him afterwards. i might not be able to control the urge to see him. its good for the both of us, i dont wanna be his current relationship's problem. i know he's happy now, im kinda mad that he's happy, but on the good side, he found someone that supports him, and well, shares alot of things in common with him. ( that's what he's been wanting) seriously though, i think its kinda boring, you're dating someone who's just like you, (besides good-looking) its just like looking into a mirror and you'll get bored sooner or later. but, im just saying. hehs. *angelic smile* i cant say im better than her, all beings are made differently.

so i've made up my mind, to call him on the day he returns from his kk trip and tell him we'll not be meeting, until i can be completely calm about this. its not that im not, now, and things went pretty smooth during sept (my last visit back home). but, its still better anyways. just a pre-caution.

my bestie will be picking me uppppppp ! :D i just know it's going to be great !
i gotta feeling ~ lalalalalalala !
THANKYOU YOU, WENDYLIM ! <3
(oh you mean the double YOU ? i did it on purpose, you arse, dont judge my english even if you are better.)

im gonna be home in a week !

ilove singlelife.
i wont change it for anyone, at least not for now !
I SO LOVE LIFE !
AND I SO LOVE GOD !

i went to the orphanage today ! :D
its a charity thing our college is doing.
June Intake is in charge, some of us march intakes tagged along anyway, :D
at cheras,
we took the college bus. i sit there (as in, in the bus) , want sleep - cannot, cos my posture like awkward liddat, want sit properly - cannot also, reason, same as above, sweat somemore. so damn hot cos i was sitting at the window seat. got aircon la, but.. haiya, hard to say.
my posture awkward cos, we shared seats, 3 of us. can imagine ? squeeshy.
not very bad also la, but then, joanne very kasian. HAHAHA, cos she's the teeny-iest (tiny-est). [whichever la]
we saw one very cool punya kid. but he damn tiaokeh lah, HAHAHAHAA totally like, pissed joanne, actually quite embarrasing, cos she talked to him and he didnt even bother to make a reply. he just stared at her for awhile, then continue eating. funny lah ! the other one was better, he said he's name is DAVID BECKHAM, double !@#$%^&* then he said, nola, my name is daniel. i think they all quite smart leh, can speak 3 kind of language and they can juggle quite well, their english not broken ! well, not exactly la, like how we normally speak like, got abit singlish feeling. :D

overall, they're quite adorable, :)
and i wanna say..
i will NEVER ABANDON my kid.
got exceptions lah - if raped (CHOI x3)
i would definitely go for an abortion, and curse the person to hell with all my life. :) its just natural. if ermm, accidentally, in future la. i will keep the baby, whether or not the future BF wants it or not, its not like i would NEED you to yang wo. ofcourse, im still just saying. i wont cry anf beg you to let me have the baby and stuff, thats just all so dramatic, and 'dramatic' and 'me', we don't go together.

ILOVELIFE !
ILOVEGOD !
ILOVEMYFAMILY!
ILOVEMYFRIENDS, wendylim especially!

blablabla !
im out.

xoxo,
JennyB

对不起 我爱你

没别的
只想说对不起
对不起 我真的爱你
不管你会怎么想 你怎么说
也不会改变我的决定

你知道 有时候感情事很难说
很难说 爱人或朋友
从前到现在我真的感觉要
一想你 我的心就发烧

想给你听我的心跳
想你知道我睡的不好
喝水想着你
搭车想着你
合眼闭眼间 出现的全是你
我猜不到你的表情
我等不到你的回应
不想难为你 又不想放弃你
决定告诉你
对不起 对不起 我爱你

没别的 只想说对不起
怎么样 我都会珍惜
不管你会怎么讲 你怎么做
也不会影响我的心情
你知道 有时候男孩更难捉摸
难捉摸 爱人或朋友
现在到永远我真会感觉要
一想你 我的心就狂跳

我的模样记不记得牢
情人卡有没有收到
读书想着你
听歌想着你
大地和蓝天出现的全是你
我才不管你的表情
我才不理你回不回应
不想难为你 又不想放弃你
决定告诉你
对不起 对不起 我爱你

你听一听我的心跳
你看一看我睡的不好

drowsy day.

i have a lump on my head, got it yesterday after the movies in the restroom. i hit my head so hard on the stupid steel thing that i had to stop and close my eyes and rest on something for awhile. how stupid can one get ? yeah, and it still hurts.

it's another morning and it's 2.46am in the morning, figured i slept too much in the afternoon, now i'm not even tired. GREAT! eesh. i've been sleeping around 2-4am in the morning for almost 3weeks now, no particular reason. cos i've just said goodbye to that stupid reason this morning. :) now i'm just trying to re-adjust my time and i'll be back to normal, i think ?

im no longer loading pics cos i've not been taking pics lately and if i upload them here, my page will be totally f-ed up, and i dont wanna screw it up, so i'll just leave it with words. Been going shopping alot lately, completely broke, waiting for next half of allowance coming next week. A friend of mine got a canon camera, like the DSLR type, wait, did i spell that wrong? IDK la, whatever. errm, it's not exactly the pro type lah, just something like that, i want one too! this is one of my, bad bad habits. i want whatever people have. :( BOOO. and after i get them i wont really use them and stuff.

I wanna get a new phone, my friend just told me Nokia e72 is now available for purchase at Lowyatt - near Sungei Wang there la. So, maybe getting next month or Jan. :D HAPPY! but i like e71's colour, the white one, iLOVE! DOUBLE.HEARTS!

a few hours ago, it was friday the 13th, to be exact, yesterday, didnt notice until bestie texted and told me. didnt seem like a bad day, cos i came home straight after class and slept until 6, i feel so lifeless. so boring lah! need exciting new life so, must move out if i get a good place with great deal. walking aint a problem, the problem is safety and stuff like that. Can't be bothered to tell mom, cos i already know her answer. We'll see, she loves me and i guess after i move, she can't do anything, she'll support me, hopefully.

friday the 13th, supposedly said to be an unlucky day ? idontknow, my upper lid has been jumping like crazy for 3consecutive days, which as a believer, well, sorta, makes me kinda happy cos it feels like something good's gonna happen. i can't exactly think of what i want to happen now, contented at the moment, (excluding the fact that i can't get enough of shopping) there's nothing else i want. :D

been watching drama on my lappie like there's no tomorrow, yeaps, right now im still up cos i just finished one of the epis of the hk series and after this im just gonna watch one more and bed time! its weekend, and since i don't have any place better to go, i guess i'll just be good, like how i've been with my uber boring life for the past 8months and stay in my room.

which reminds me... there's a student trip for all of us alevel students this dec, we've like over hundreds of students and they're offering for only 70students, and its selling like hotcakes. i can't go, cos i'll be in bru by then. BOO. how sad can life get ? im not sure if my friends are going, cos we only got the news from our lecturer today, we're going somewhere near KL area, 2days 1night, there'll be kayaking, hiking and rock climbing and lotsa fun outdoor activities. you cannot imagine how badly i wanna go ! :( and the best thing is they're offering for us at only rm90, my lecturer said the last time she brought her kids, she paid rm300+ per person, this was offered at a special rate for the college i guess. soo.. shat. i cant go. :( it's like so cheap i can go bang wall and get another huge lump on the right side of my head now.

i've also been fb-ing like crazy lately and its totally boring meeee! nothing new, nothing exciting has been happening, besides a sports day thingy which will be in SriKDU, within walking distance from my hostel ofcourse, it's also under our college, one of the famous schools in malaysia, according to my friends. its for smart kids. the sports day thing is prganized by our college, to raise some sort of fund is it? im not sure la, i dont really care also. cos like, all the happening stuff are only from two courses in our college, for mass comm students and H&T. they're totally enjoy college life while we're choking our lives with studies. zomg. i think im crazy la, why did i even try to challenge myself ? ohwell..

gahh, im done for today. really sleepyyyyyyyyyy.

time to whine :
everyone's missing someone and loving someone la, i wanna say imissyou to someone too! or iloveyou! but iloveyou is currently the most difficult word to say, even if i do get serious anyways. I WANNA MISS SOMEONE TOO! :(

IMISSYOU!

im so tempted to put imissyou on my pm, but i dont need questions like, hey, who you missing and stuff cos there's actually no one, and you have to waste your time explaining that you're actually putting for fun, which, no one would believe you, so. don't put yourself in the shoes of trouble. haha, and i've not been liking someone's ultra confidence lately. i told him i feel the same way he does, but i dont think he gets what i mean and i really malas explain to him, cos its time consuming and i've not been really patient lately. so, dear xxx, my pms are not for you, its just that i like the songs? and i put the lyrics on my pm sometimes, or the things i write sometimes. might let you think the other way round and give you the wrong impression. maybe i already did from the time we started gaining heat. im flirty, sometimes. who doesnt ? cos i thought you wouldnt get me as being serious, but you ended up thinking im serious. but doesnt matter la, as long as you're not serious, think whatever you want. im not really THAT into you, hope you understand that and i dont really care. i very malas lah. :D i guess you got that figured out. ( the part where i said i malas ) hahaha and your over confidence, its attractive, but i think you blur lah brother. well.. still, its all good.

stopping here for the day.
its really hard to put my thoughts down into words cos its really hard to explain this complicated relationship.. err, not exactly relationship, cycle lah cycle. so err, yeahs .
HAVE FUN USING YOUR IMAGINATION!

IMISSYOU! dontknow who la, but whoever la.
i wanna get into a relationship! so i can think of someone, and text and spend time doing nothing together. but i dont wanna be tied down. contradicting la blablabla. plus its also tiring to adapt to someone new, for me la, cos i very mafan. gahh, just stupid reasons from getting into a relationship anyways.

GOODNIGHT PEEPS.
MUAHS.

with love,
JennyB

13.11.09

so many things to blog about, so many things i wanna share, yet i have no idea where to start from. i'll just blog randomly, whatever that comes popping into my head. :D

P/S : might bore you, NO PICS, [x] is right there!

i went movie-ing with a friend today at OU, Jennifer's body + PokerKing. I love watching movies, but i'm an anti-horror film person. So, never ask me out for a horror movie, cos you can never change my mind about saying NO. Ofcourse, there are times where i make exceptions, cos I wanna watch ? hahaha, with that special person of mine ofcourse, WL. <3 ohyeah, and him, but there's no more him now, whatever !

I find Jennifer's Body, ermm. not THAT boring, excuse me, this is from my perspective, so don't start. TQ ! cos i've been getting like, alot of negative comments for this movie . kinda pointless abit. but everyone wants to watch lah, and the reason ? you know. *winks* Poker King, erm, funny LORH. as usual, Louis Koo. :) i love HK comedies ! YAY !

but the shitty thing is, im itching all over as of now, and i do NOT know why . prolly allergic to some stupid thang, and idk what . so, *scratch scratch scratch* like mosquito bites all over. GAHHHH ! SIEN.

So, recently, some arrogant guy my friends have been admiring thought i like him just cos i added him on FB, he GUESSED that COS HOR, MY FRIENDS DID NOT ADD HIM. HELLO?! means every girl that adds you must like you one la is it? and you blind kali, one of them DID actually add you lorh, but whatever, i don't care la. cos i really don't, and IT IS NOT ME, I REPEAT NOT MEEEEE. PFFFTT. its kinda like a reflex that i pulled snowfish to cover me when i saw him after the movie awhile ago. wtf, thanks to you making me paiseh .
!@#$%^&*

oh oh ! i saw alot of clothes that i wanna buy, and books, and shoes, and bags, and phone. == FFFFF. need $, cutting down on food, more on luxury babeh. :D urghh, and i hate ME for being such a spendthrift, i always give myself reasons for over-spending. like - life is short, if you don't get it today, WHEN WILL YOU? so, i get THEM. it's crappy i know. but how lerh? IDONTKNOW MAN!

we're having three more weeks of class and im gonna be home! been homesick lately, i kept dreaming that i was at home, i was even smiling when i opened my eyes wtf, only to find myself in the hostel room still. sweet sweet dream. it's not like i have big plans during the coming month of break, but, it's okay to stay home and go nowhere, i was desperate the last time i went home cos i was just too depressed. but i'm fine now, so so much better ! ofcourse, affected in some ways, good and bad.

The good is - i don't loathe him, not one bit. He may have been cheating even before he first confessed, but he's a really good guy, shaddup there, you don't know nothing, you can't judge. he's the best there ever was, irreplaceable. All i can say is, goodluck to the current gf, and goodchoice ! :) there may never be someone like him, or maybe there is ? prolly RARE anyways, and, one of a kind.
` i'm no longer missing him as much as i did before. i do still, sometimes. and y'know what the best part is ? i remember only the best of him. there's no more regrets, since the day he told me he missed me too, and asked why i just had to leave ? this scene of him cheating has been playing in my head a million times before when i was away, but i didn't really wanna know if he did, cos i had too much biz going on, so busy sometimes i forget to text nor call, it worries him. i prolly havent been a good gf too, so, im happy he has someone for him now.
sorry i wasn't able to give you my full attention since the day i left. you tried hard to understand, i know. i tried hard too, but i guess 'trying' wasn't working.
YOU WILL FOREVER BE REMEMBERED. <3

The bad - I'm so afraid of falling for someone right now. self-protection? maybe. haha, but K is no longer a secret. no, we havent been having any improvements. we're both too selfish i guess. none of us wants to get serious. and im guessing it would be better this way, cos all we need is a sense of security, and someone to really sweet with ? i like him cos he's just nice like that. i'm used to him, he's my bad habit now. love? no. I love everyone, i can say it, but be serious and say it to one guy? it will NEVER happen again. i'm sorry, i can't love. i lost the courage, and the faith.. so don't lie, don't tell me bullshit like 'together forever' or shit like that. you know pretty well it would never happen. :D tQ. stop judging me at this moment and look at yourself. you believe what he/she says? its up to you. i don't. this is the side effect, see? sarcastic huh?
` at times, ofcourse, i envy couples, and i wish i could be the girls that i've seen, trying to believe that beautiful, beautiful lie. But I just can't anymore. I'm sorry. Mr Right will come you say ? we'll see about that.

Single is not a bad thing, i love freedom, we had our own things to keep us occupied, we gave each other space, and we trusted each other - that's why we walked hand in hand for 3years. not after i left ofcourse. well, things change, people change.
I can't pay full attention and i hate control freaks. I hate people who complains alot yet they don't even do anything about it, tell you what, go kill yourself. OOPS, just kidding. :)
don't whine if you can do something bout it. not exactly perfect but i havn't been whining ALOT like i used to. He changed me, into a better person. :) i respect him, very very much.

Oh, and i haven't been crapping alot like how i used to. getting colder, the friends say. i still do, sometimes, but not as much, sometimes i dont even answer nor look at them. and its prolly pissing them off ? my apologies. hahahaha, way too cool for you. lol! kidding la.
just havne't been having much to talk about, it's like i no longer find it interesting to tell people stuff cos you know, if you haven't noticed, MOST people would rather talk about themselves than listen, and its like they're just talking to themselves, they dont even bother if you're listening. so i don't even bother looking at them, nor make a reply. it's just plain boring, and they're like so long-winded, they can go on and on and on for hours, and you won't even see a point in all that crap he/she has just said. so, i'd REALLY rather you not talk at all.

ignore chats, smses, calls sometimes. i don't really feel like talking much, especially these few days, nono, pms is wayyyyy over! i rarely call home nor text my bestfriend anymore. i still do, sometimes, only to whine to her, but i decided to quit being one of those losers. having alot on my mind these days, and no, i do not need anyone to talk to, they wont understand and i really really malas explain. would rather have them figured out on my own. thanks for your concern.

oh, looking for a new place to stay, moving out with harn, 70% possibility of it happening, till i see the room tomorrow, know the rental, deposit, the new housemates and stuff. will have all stuff sorted out tomorrow. need a new environment, just to check my adaptability! :D

A2 syllabus is starting, hopefully full concentration will be ON. Can't afford anymore DISTRACTIONS. so, shoo shoo, kacaus!

OH, ILOVELIFE.
OH, ILOVEGOD.
(hynotizing myself)
OH, ILOVECOLLEGE
OH, ILOVEMYFRIENDS
(still hypnotizing)
OH, ILOVEMOM&DAD
OH, ILOVE EVERYTHING.
(hypnotism complete)

gotta ciao now. toodles!

xoxo,
JennyB

没那么爱他

你有权利情绪化

你不一定要坚强

但有些事情不能伪装

别为自己设了框

我懂失去的悲伤

也懂进退的挣扎

但想起过去都是失望

又何必要放不下

是习惯 还是爱

不放心 还是不甘心

只有你自己知道解答

其实你没有那么爱他

真的不需要那么想他

编织过的梦想

自己也可以抵达

谁说一定要有他

其实你没有那么爱他

没有深陷到不可自拔

认清了真心话

你就放得下

深呼吸 抬头望

发现天空很宽广

这世界 那么大

幸福总会在某个地方

认清了真心话

你就放得下

short complaint. (:

tomorrow's the last day to get ready for the upcoming papers.
not quite prepared. x=
kill me please.

so anyways,
I MALAS LAH!
it's only fair for me to just ignore everything when you're doing this to me.
so, yes... (:

its a VERY short update.
falling falling.

and great, i still have sh*t loads of time to do this. what a waste of time, but ohwell, can't help it.

everytime i try telling myself - 'bu yao liao la..'
thats when you'll SUDDENLY appear again.
and everytime i tell myself - 'okay, one last chance, if he does this this, then i whatwhat'
and.. you DO it.
which, as a result DOES make me happy and squeal.
yet....................
i speechless.

it's so complicated lah, with you i can never think straight!
you make my brain go haywire, working ULTRA slow. ihateyou sometimes.

p/s : i enjoy looking at you (this is someone else) . *smirks*
you're my UNTOLD secret.

yesyes, don't need anyone to remind me, i very very 'xi xin yan jiu' can kill myself also. but thats what makes me ME. :D

TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT!

xoxo,

JennyB