Sometimes I wish I can be more selfish , but I bet if I was , things would not have been the same as the way they are now . I wish I could ask for more and not care so much about how you felt .
Trying to ' play it cool ' is what I'm trying to do . It's tiring , I wish you knew . I wish you were there when I needed you , not that you weren't , but sometimes , key times , you weren't . Given this situation that I'm in , I can't afford to be distracted , and it is definitely NOT the right time . But I'm in it , in deep shit .
I'm just complaining , as usual .
I wish I could whine less , and instead , do something about it . I'm always thinking about it , and never doing it . I've been sleeping at crazy hours and having quite a bit of problem adjusting , I have this habit of putting all my papers infront myself and tell myself I would study , and look at the time , and say - okay 12.40 , and when it turns 12.40 , I tell myself , make it 1 . There goes all my time . Always waiting for tomorrow .
Where's the motivation ?
counting down , one more week to A2 .
all I can do now is to keep my fingers crossed and pray for the best .
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Suddenly , I feel so abandoned .
I need someone , anyone .
yeah , it's THAT time of the month again , that explains why I'm being crazily moody and overly emotional . But it's not an excuse for being unreasonable , so I'm trying to think , and BE , RATIONAL .
still , I wish you could feel what I feel now .
where are you ?
I'm waiting .
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I have a sudden urge of cancelling my ticket on the 30th , and staying back , maybe it wouldn't be as bad , you know . Maybe I don't need to go home , I'd miss all of you , but it would be exciting . (:
I'd love to stay for you , but the world gives more than you have to offer .
someday , someday ..
when I chose to leave , I know I've chosen to be forgotten .
i'm confused and i'm babbling away .
so deal with it .
xoxo
